“What voice? I don’t hear a voice. Did I respond to that email? I need coffee. How long do I have before my next meeting? Oh no, I have team performance reviews in two weeks! Wait, do my kids have practice tonight?”
Sound familiar?
I’d like you to meet your Drunken Monkey.
Here’s how to meet him (or her):
- Set your timer for 15 seconds.
- Then sit. Quietly.
Go on (I’ll wait)…
I’ll bet you can’t make it 5 seconds before the Monkey starts swinging from thought to thought, chattering about things you are afraid of or worried about.
And if you feel like you may have two or three Drunken Monkeys in there (or dueling Drunken Monkeys!) take heart: you are not alone.
As annoying as they can be, the Monkeys we hear are actually trying to protect us.
But in times of uncertainty and fear, that little voice in our head goes crazy and overreacts.
That’s because the most primitive part of our brain – the amygdala – is always scanning for danger. Its job is to keep us safe.
But here’s the thing…
Left unchecked, your Monkey isn’t just annoying – it’s costing you opportunities.
The problem is that our primitive part of our brain does not know the difference between a dinosaur (that could eat us), or an upsetting, but not a career-ending email.
Stay open to the possibility that your reaction to the email (or call, or in-person request, for an immediate meeting, etc.) may simply be your drunken monkey on steroids.
In times of uncertainty, this voice goes on steroids, blaring “DANGER!” at everything.
As our fear escalates, our negative self-talk can quickly grow, too. “Oh, no! What now? What have I done wrong?” turns into “Am I now going to have to miss (my kid’s ballgame? Dinner with a friend? A run?…)”
And as our own destructive chatter becomes louder and louder, it becomes harder and harder to really hear what the other person is saying when we talk to them.
I once completely misread a meeting that was meant to SUPPORT me because my Drunken Monkey convinced me I was in trouble. Walking in defensively, I missed a major business opportunity.
Bottom line: Our monkey mind is always chattering. It’s just trying to protect us.
We are not powerless.
When we stop and take time to breathe, be curious, get enough healthy food and sleep, and monitor our self-talk, we can quiet our drunken monkeys —even in times of relentless change and disruption.
Get to know your drunken monkey and learn to tell it – “Thanks, but I’ve got this.”
What does your inner voice say when faced with uncertainty? Has it ever sabotaged an opportunity for you?
